The Problem with Kybe
by disneyfan056
Summary: So Kyle and Bebe are finally a thing. The whole 8th grade is celebrating the discovery of their new power couple! Well, everyone except Eric Cartman. He senses trouble in paradise, and won't cool his jets until Kybe is history. Will he convince the two to break up, or is he doomed to watch the PDA for good? ((Based on my own life experiences. Kybe/Kyman))
1. Chapter 1 (Kenny's POV)

(Kenny's POV)

It all started about… hmm, a second or two ago. I was walking down the South Park Middle School hallway, minding my business, when all of a sudden, I heard a locker door slam. Not _close_ , but slam shut rather forcefully.

"WHAT?!" Ah yes, the unmistakable shriek of an angry fatass. How _refreshing_ to hear at eight in the morning.

"Y-yeah, Bebe asked Kyle out a little while ago." I heard Butters say. Oh, God. No wonder Cartman had his panties in a twist. I swear for _God_ we just didn't get a break…

"Alright, alright, what's going on?" I walked up and asked.

"T-T-The _JEW_ is dating _Bebe_!" Cartman was so pissed off he could barely get the words out.

I stared back at him. "…so…?" I personally couldn't see what the big deal was.

"HE CAN'T DATE _HER_!" he yelped as if it were 100 percent obvious.

"Well, why not, Eric?" Butters inquired.

Cartman gawked at us as if we were mentally inept. "B-because he _can't_!"

"You literally hate Kyle with every bone in your overweight body."

He stopped mid hissy-fit and glared at me. "W-well, I-"

"Y-yeah, Eric, I think it's real sweet that Kyle has a girlfriend."

"UGH" He banged his fists on the locker in frustration. "Yew don't under _stand_! None of yew guys understand!" He scooped up his backpack and books and stomped off, infuriated. Butters scampered off behind him. "Aw, Eric, you left dents in your locker!"

At first, I didn't get it. I didn't get it at all. Then it hit me like an 18-wheeler (and trust me, I'd know how that feels). Fatass was so pissed off because he was _jealous_. There was one of two possibilities; he either wanted Bebe, or he wanted _Kyle_. And thinking back to all his antics dating back to 3rd and 4th grade, I had a pretty good idea on who it was.

While no one could see through my hoodie, I was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Looks like things were about to get interesting…


	2. Chapter 2 (Stan's POV)

(Stan's POV)

"It's _sooooo_ sweet that my best friend is dating you best friend!"Wendy cooed, a huge smile on her face. I smiled back at her. It _was_ pretty cool that Kyle finally had someone to call 'his'. Yet… something was really weird about this. I had only found out about their relationship after Wendy had told me. I'd hung out with Kyle multiple times that week, but he never mentioned anything about dating. I didn't want to worry Wendy with it, though, so I smiled and nodded at her periodically. Just… I dunno. Something about this was off.  
"It's pretty cool that Bebe asked Kyle out" I offered.

" _I_ think it's awesome that she broke that stereotype." Wendy beamed, then went back to going on and on about how great it was.

I sighed. I was happy that, like, she was so happy, but something about Bebe was always a little…off. Like, I don't wanna down my best friend on finally getting a girlfriend, but…. I don't know. There's something more to this story, dude.


	3. Chapter 3 (Kyle's POV)

(Kyle's POV)

I think Cartman's pissed at me, but I have no idea why. I've barely talked to him in the past week or so. What the hell did I do? And it wasn't like his typical "I'm mad at you for being a Jew" mad. He just ignores me all together and gives me the silent treatment. I thought it was nothing, but when I walked past him with Bebe, he glared at me. If looks could kill, I would've been fucked. It wasn't like any nasty look he'd ever given me. It was… I don't even know. I'm pretty sure I heard Cartman growl when Bebe kissed me on the cheek goodbye. I thought I heard a snarl and Butters say "It's okay, Eric, calm down."I wish I knew what the hell was going on…


	4. Chapter 4 (Cartman's POV)

(Cartman's POV)

WHAT. THE. _FUCK._ You know, you'd THINK that a Jew as smart as Kahl would know good and well _not_ to date a… a…. a WHORE! I don't trust Bebe ONE BIT. I swear on my 13 years of life, I will find out what this bitch's up to and TAKE HER DOWN! The _JEW_ SHALL BE _MINE!_ And you know what? Kinny can accuse me of being jealous all he wants. He can kiss my ass if he thinks I care. I'm not jealous! I just don't think she's good for him. And also, I don't wanna see those two making out in the middle of the fucking hallway! There is NO NEED for an 8th grader to be showing THAT much PDA. I don't care how hot all the other guys think she is JUST because she's farther along in puberty and her tits and ass are bigger than her brain. I know a bitch when I see a bitch, and that blonde skank is queen bitch! I won't stop til I get that whore away from Kahl!


	5. Chapter 5

_Here we go..._ Cartman thought bitterly as he saw the 8th grade's new power couple. Kyle andBebe _. Kybe. UGH._ The ship name was enough to make Cartman gag. And did they HAVE to hold hands like that? We get it, you're a cute couple. _L._ He slumped against the lockers, looking away. He handed the breakfast he'd bought from the school to Kenny.

"Here. I just lost my appetite and I know you're poor."

Kenny ignored his last comment and happily accepted the French Toast sticks.

"No way they'll last" Cartman muttered to Butters and Kenny, who were seated on the floor against the lockers with him.

"How can _you_ be so sure?" Kenny said with a smirk.

"We're 13," Eric pointed out. "Barely even a _teen_."

Kenny wasn't in the mood for beating around the bush. "Are you sure you're not just _jealous_?"

Cartman scowled at both of the blondes, unamused. "Nice to know you support this shit."

Kenny shrugged. "It's not that I don't believe you're right. I just think you have more animosity towards this than you're willing to admit."

"Screw you!"

"My point exactly." Kenny went back to eating his French toast sticks.

Cartman blew out a frustrated breath and smoothed out his jacket. He took another deep breath, then exhaled slowly. Maybe Kenny was right. Maybe he _was_ overthinking everything. Maybe it wasn't that seriou-

That's when he saw. He _saw_. Kyle and Bebe sitting together. Kyle was leaning his head on Bebe's shoulder, and (ONCE AGAIN) they were holding hands. Cartman could feel his blood boiling.

"Oh… _Hell_ no!" he fumed, his face going red. "MOTHER _FUCKER_!" He jumped up to his feet, startling the others around him.

"Screw YEW guys, I'm HOME!" he whirled around and began to tramp away

Kenny raised his eyebrow. "Don't you mean home _room_?"

"WHAT-FUCKING-EVER!" he turned the corner and was out of sight, but the other four could hear the rather loud "FUCKING SHIT" Eric yelled out.

They all looked at each other awkwardly.

"Oh, jeez, Eric sure does look mad."

"What's _his_ problem?" Bebe asked, sitting up.

Kenny shrugged.

"Did I do something?" Kyle asked no one in particular. "He's been really weird around me for the past, like, week, but I can't think of anything that I could've done…" Kyle pulled at a stray red curl.

Bebe hugged him. "Oh, sweetie, I'm sure Cartman will get over whatever's lodged up his big fat ass"

Kyle grinned goofily. "Y-yeah… he'll be fine…"

Kenny stood up to throw away his trash, and beckoned Butters to follow. As they walked towards the trash can (which was out of earshot of Kyle and Bebe), Kenny said "Cartman's SO jealous"

"H-he is?"

"Yup. I think he's just mad cuz he's _single_ " Kenny watched _Steven Universe_ with his little sister Karen all the time, and had ended up falling in love with it.

"But, I thought he hated Kyle…"

"Kenny looked over at Butters. It was rather amazing how innocent and naïve this boy was. "He doesn't really hate Kyle. He hates a part of himself for liking Kyle in the first place. It's so obvious that Cartman has feelings for him. He's just in so much denial that he's convinced himself that it's hate and takes it out on Kyle. Why do you think he picks on him the most out of all of us?"

Butters thought for a moment. "D-does Eric wanna put Kyle's weiner in his mouth like what he did to me?"

Kenny stopped walking, taken aback at Butters's straightforwardness.

"He probably does, dude." He said, smiling knowingly. "He prolly wants his weiner in more places than just his mouth…"


	6. Chapter 6

"sooooooo…" Stan said, catching up with Kyle after class. "How's it goinnnnng?"

"Come on, dude," Kyle pushed him away playfully. "It's been, like, a week. Calm down."

"I'm just sooo proud of my little buhbooksha!" Stan mischievously tugged on Kyle's ushanka

"Come ON, dude, you sound like my mom!"

"I'm playing, dude. I'm just glad you have a girlfriend now."

"Yeah, so am I…" the red-head blushed a little.

Stan paused, chewing his lip. "Um, just remember, uh, whatever happens, you still kick ass"

"Huh?"

Stan avoided eye contact.. "J-just if (God forbid), anything happens, it most likely wasn't your fault."

"Stan, what are you-"

Just then, the school bell rang. Stan took that as his perfect opportunity to dip-set.

"Gotta go, dude! Just remember what I said!" he called out, then hurried into his classroom.

Kyle stood there for a moment, dazed. What the Hell was Stan talking about? He shook his head. It was probably something everything said to couples. No biggie. He dismissed the thought and headed into his classroom.


	7. Chapter 7

After school that day, Cartman was sitting at the TV watching a rerun of Terrance and Phillip to cheer himself up, yet not even the two's potty humor could lift Cartman's spirits. A few minutes in, he heard a knock at the door. His mom wasn't home, so he muted the TV and reluctantly trudged towards the door.

"Who is it?" He called out.

"It's Stan"

"Mmmph Kmmmphmmmph"

He opened up the door. Cartman took one look at his two friend, rolled his eyes, then said "Lemme guess, the Jew is out parading with Bebe."

Both boys nodded.

"Well don't just stand there like idiots. Get in here."

Stan and Kenny exchanged a look. No need to beat around the bush.

"I know you're jealous." Stan said before he'd barely set foot in the house.

Cartman froze. "Oh great, Kinny, spread your damn lies. See if I care." He trudged back over to the couch and sat heavily, unmuting the television.

"It's so obvious, dude." Kenny said matter-of-factly from behind the couch.. "Even Kyle's getting suspicious."

Cartman whipped around. "WHAT?"

"Dude, even your shock at that makes it more obvious that there's more than what you're letting on"

Cartman crossed his arms. "I have no idea what yew speak of."

"You can stop pretending, fatass. We all know you like Kyle."

Cartman tried to keep a straight face, but was given away by his blushing. "Sounds like a lot of bullshit to me"

"You're blushing."

"N-no I'm not."

"Yeah you are. You're actually blushing harder."

Cartman yanked his shirt over his cheeks to hide his painfully obvious flushed face. "Well, even if I _did_ like Kahl, which I DON'T… what difference does it make?!"

"Dude, you know he's bi, right?" Stan pointed out.

Cartman stared at Stan. "Stan so help me God if you're bullshitting me I will kick your goddamn hippie ass."

"I'm not. He's bi. He likes guys and girls. Wendy knows, too."

"Hehehehe, Kahl's a faggot…"

"You're a bundle of sticks, too, Cartman" Kenny pointed out.

Cartman shut up real fast, sinking into the couch. "S-shut up"

"And, when it comes to your weirdness when it comes to Bebe…" Stan took a deep breath. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm on your side."

Cartman jumped up from the couch. "You _are_?!"

"Yeah. He didn't even tell _me_ he was dating, and I'm like, his best friend."

Kenny nodded. "That is a little odd…he tells us everything."

Eric paced the floor. "So… what's the plan?"

"What plan?"

"How are we gonna fix this?"

"WE don't do anything." Kenny declared. "It's too early to call anything."

Cartman rolled his eyes and groaned. "Are you serious?"

"Serious as a heart attack." Stan said, turning towards the door. "So whatever you do, don't interfere."

"Fine, fine, whatever," Cartman dismissed, holding up a hand to show his behind his back, his fingers were crossed…


	8. Chapter 8

It was first period; Science class. When Kyle arrived, he noted all the others crowded around the ELMO projector.

"What's up, guys?" He asked, strolling over.

"We have new seats, Kyle!" Butters said cheerfully, slinging his Hello Kitty backpack over his shoulder.

Kyle peeked over everyone else and searched for his name. He found his name and grinned. "Sweet! I sit next to you, Stan!"

"That's cool… but I wouldn't get too happy,dude…"

"What are you…." he glanced down and stiffened. "Oh...no…"

There were four people assigned to the group; Stan and Kenny sat on one side, and Kyle and Cartman sat on the other.

Kenny inhaled sharply. "Tough break, dude…"

Kyle sighed and slid into his seat. It wasn't all bad… he could see the board, but could get away with texting if he wanted to. Not that really planned to text. Ms. Rosarita was very nice, but also no-nonsense.

Cartman showed up almost late (as usual). He glanced at the seating chart, then sighed. Of course it was next to stupid freaking Kyle. Why wouldn't it be?

"Ms. Rosarita, may I change my seat?" He didn't bother hiding his exasperation.

"Why?" she asked politely. "Isn't it with all your friends?"

Cartman sighed. "Yeah, you're right. Nevermind."

Kyle stiffened when Eric took his seat.

"Um, hi, Cartman…' he said uneasily. Cartman didn't respond.

"Tough crowd" Kenny muttered.

"Shut up, Kenny." Cartman made it his primary goal not to even look at Kyle. Stupid Kyle with his stupid face and stupid body and stupid everything…

There was an air of excitement in the 8th grade science class. Today was experiment day, and they were going to be able to use bunsen burners!

Cartman tuned in and out into the lesson,his head rested in his hand. He only snapped fully back into reality when he heard a phone buzz.

Kyle heard it too, and quietly pulled his phone out. It was Bebe...

"Look up, cutie!"

Kyle glanced up. He hadn't even realized that Bebe was sitting few seats in front of him. She was leaning over the side of her chair to get in Kyle's line of sight, and was making flirty eyes.

Cartman noticed her too. Ugh... He turned his back completely to Kyle.

Kenny looked up from the little supermodel he'd been doodling. "Aw, is Ewic jealous?"

Cartman gritted his teeth "No, I'm NOT jealous, I just can't deal with this bullshit all class" he hissed.

Kenny shrugged and grinned. "I think it's cute"

"You would"

Cartman snuck a peek back at Kyle. His eyes wandered down to his lap, where he and Bebe were still texting back and forth

" _ **Hey Kyle."**_

" _ **Yeah?"**_

" _ **Ily ;)"**_

" _ **Ily too :)"**_

Cartman groaned audibly. Kyle looked up, then cradled his phone to his chest to keep Cartman from seeing.

"Are you reading my texts, fatass?!"

"It's pretty obvious that you're texting, Kahl."

"Just mind your business, fatass…" Kyle whispered sharply, then focused his eyes on the board.

Cartman grunted, then turned to face the board also. He'd missed a lot of notes arguing with Kyle… "Shit…" he thought, searching for a pencil. He almost lost it when he saw Kyle and Bebe giggling at each other.

Cartman struggled to keep a straight face, but deep down inside, he felt… angry. No… infuriated. Who the fuck did Kyle think he was, flaunting Bebe around? Finally, he could take no more. He stood up abruptly, then marched to the nearby stool at the lab station.

Kenny and Stan rose an eyebrow. Kyle stiffened yet again, nervous.

Ms. Rosarita glanced up. "Is everything alright, Eric?"

"Yeah, I'm fine... I just...uh... couldn't see"

Ms. Rosarita looked at him skeptically, but said nothing more.

Cartman zoned out for a little while longer; lost in her thoughts. He hated Kyle so much. He hated Kyle and Bebe for being a thing. It was disgusting watching those two mack it up.

"Pick a partner, guys!" Ms. R suddenly clapped her hands together and announced.

Stan automatically looked at Kyle, but he already had his eyes on Bebe. Stan wilted a little, disappointed. They were almost always partners. Sighing, Stan opted for Wendy instead. She seemed happy, yet a bit awkward about the partnership. Usually she partnered up with Bebe...

"Hey Kenny! You wanna be partners?" Butters asked cheerfully.

Kenny grinned back at him. "Sure, dude."

Cartman looked around frantically. Not again...

Sighing, he trudged up to the teacher.

"M-ms. Rosarita?" He said softly, looking down. "I-I don't have a partner... "

"There's an open station by Kyle and Bebe, Eric. You can work there"

Eric hid the grimace that was creeping onto his face, then ttudged over to the empty lab station. He hated partnerships so fucking much. He almost always ended up alone in these cases, or awkwardly forced into a group of three. It always made him uncomfortable then, but now this was just torture.

Cartman arrived at his station and tugged on his goggles. He had had them on his head when he heard giggles. He ignored them and hooked up the bunsen burner. More giggles. Now Cartman was annoyed. He turned around, took a deep breath, then said as calmly as he could "Could you guys cool the PDA, please?"

Kyle and Bebe looked over at him, letting go of each other. "What?"

"I'm trying to work here" Eric forced his voice to remain polite. "Could you quiet down a bit please? You're very distracting."

Bebe crossed her arms over her ample chest. "Why should we? We're just expressing our love for each other."

Cartman took another deep breath, then said forcefully "Yes, I understand that, but I would like to focus at the task at hand without you tw-"

"You don't even pay attention in this class, fatass!" Kyle pointed out. "You just eat or sleep or zone out!"

That did it for Cartman. He tore his goggles off and raised his voice. "You listen here you stupid fucking Jew-"

"Eric Cartman!" Oh, shit.

"Y-yes Ms. R?"

"That type of language will NOT be accepted in this classroom. Now I don't know what's gotten into you today, but pack up your stuff; you're leaving."

Eric sighed. There was no point in arguing. He grabbed his backpack and walked towards the door.

"You'll need this, Eric." said Ms. Rosarita.

"Thank you" Cartman mumbled as he skulked down towards the office.

((SO sorry I haven't updated recently! It's been crazy at home. I promise you; I haven't given up on this story!))


	9. Chapter 9

(Cartman's POV)

I sat in the office impatiently awaiting my sentencing. This was so fucking stupid, and it was Kahl's fault anyway. Who the _fuck_ did he think he was, telling me what to do?! I know Bebe's too stupid to understand, but you'd think Kahl would be smart enough NOT to screw with me. Fuck him. Fuck Bebe. Fuck EVERYONE.

The secretary glanced over at me, then sighed. "In here again, Eric?"

I shrugged.

She got up for a moment and walked towards the back. She reappeared a few seconds later.

"Ms. Roshanda is available to see you… unless you'd rather speak with the principal…"

I smirked. "Not a chance." then made my way to her office. Ms. R. was really weird, y'know? Like, she insisted that we use her first name, and never got angry; not even with kids like me. I liked Ms. Roshanda. She didn't constantly make me feel shitty, she let me swear when describing something that happened, and made me feel… better. I dunno how to describe it, but something about her flamboyant ethnic outfits, long decorated dreadlocks, and overall friendliness was cool. She's the only teacher that doesn't piss me the fuck off in this school.

"Hello, Eric" she greeted me with a smile.

"Hi, Ms. R" I said softly.

"Is everything alright?"

"I got put out of class" I took a seat in one of her overstuffed chairs.

She nodded. "Is there a reason why you got put out of class?"

I grimaced. "Because stupid Kahl and his stupid freaking girlfriend!"

"Bebe?"

I groaned. "Oh no, not you too"

She chuckled. "Well, what about them was bothering you?"

"They kept PDAing all damn class while I was trying to work!"

Ms. R thought for a moment. "Are you and Kyle friends?"

"No way! I hate him!" I expected her to get frustrated with me, like every adult did when Kyle troubled me.

"Are you friends with Bebe?"

"Not a chance. She's a bitch."

He thought for a moment. "Why do you resent their relationship?" She asked patiently.

"B-because, I don't think she's good for him"

"How so?"

"I-I dunno, I just…" I trailed off. Why _did_ I hate Kyle and Bebe so much?

Ms. Roshanda stood up for a moment and grabbed a piece of paper, a pencil, and a clipboard. She clipped the paper to the clipboard and looked up at me.

"Eric, do you have any romantic interest in anyone?"

That was a weird question. "Um… no. Kenny and Stan think I do, but they're being stupid."

She handed me the clipboard and pencil. "I want you to draw"

"Huh?"

"Just, let your mind wander to someone you really care about, someone you love-if anyone at all"

"OoooKayy…" I grabbed the pencil.

"Don't overthink; just let your pencil say what your mouth isn't."

I sighed and began to doodle, not really paying attention to what I was doing. "I hate how those two think they can damn near fuck each other in front of me…stupid Kahl….stupid Bebe…I hate them so fucking much….they think they're so great… Bebe's no good for Kahl...Kalh deserves someone so much better…" I finally stopped doodling, then handed the clipboard back to Ms. R, not bothering to look at what I'd drawn.

Ms. Roshanda looked at my doodle, then raised an eyebrow.

"Eric, what do you consider your sexuality to be?"

I stared back at her. "..what"

"It's okay if you prefer not to answer, I understand"

"Um… hetero, I guess"

"Do you have any problems with same-sex couples?"

"Nah, I'm cool with people like Tweek and Craig"

She nodded her head and looked up at me. "Are you sure you don't like Kyle?"

I squinted at her "Eric, would you like to see what your sub-conscious said?"

"Uh, sure…"

She turned the clipboard around and showed me.

"W-wha…" I gawked at the picture I'd drawn. It was a rather detailed drawing of…of…  
" _KAHL_ "

She looked at me, smiling sympathetically. :Your sub-conscious doesn't lie…"

I backed up onto the couch, horrified. "N-NO! IT CAN'T BE!"

Ms. Roshanda nodded. "I'm afraid it's true, Eric… you have a crush on Kyle…"


End file.
